Question of the Week - 7

Question of the Week - 7

This week's questions comes from Joe.  

Joe asks, "What is your personal vision of Hell?"  

While it is quite infamous how much dogs freak me out, my personal vision of Hell is that of a place specifically forged to capitalize on your greatest failures in life.   For one, it might be reliving the day you could have made the difference in a friend's life but instead chose to be selfish.  For another, it might standing in front of the crowd once again and hearing everyone boo as you mention the wrong answer for the nth time in a game show.  Hell, in my opinion, is not about fire and brimstone (although it may be for some people).  Hell is about having the most terrible and painful moment in your life stretch on and on forever.  Hell may be quiet.  Or cold.  Or filled with animals you absolutely hate.  Or with dark clouds or rays of sunlight.  It may be at an island, a classroom, a mountain peak.  It may center on an unanswered phone, wilting flowers, uncovered lies, or the death of a loved one.

Hell is the worst made forever.

And sadly, some already feel they're living in Hell every day of their lives.

"Which do you think is more overrated, honesty or kindness? and Why?"

I remain stoic in the belief that honesty is truly a virtue we should all strive for daily.  Kindness is greatly over-rated.   Far too many people state kindness as a reason to lie, deceive, abuse, abandon, and destroy.  Too easily many believe it would be better to hide the truth and let the others know only what they must.   But I personally feel as a human being, we deserve to know what we should.   If I were in a sinking ship in the middle of the Atlantic, I would rather be told the truth that it is sinking than be kindly told all is well and to just head for bed and sleep (and maybe die in silence while I slumber).  I deserve that level of respect for my personal rights.

Consider more how much respect a friend deserves.

So yeah, kindness is overrated.   We need honesty, baby. 
And we deserve it.

----
If anyone else has questions they'd want to throw at me
feel free to send them to tobito_abad AT yahoo DOT com.

Ch-ch-ch-changes....

 Lines on my face care of Brian being better at Tongits than May.

Life this year has been a tremendously adventurous one.   Whereas the previous years have always had their own exciting moments and unexpected twists, this year has been one with life-changing ramifications.

Since it is still too early for a year-recap, lemme just focus instead on some important lessons and reminders that life has chosen to bequeath upon me this year:


1)  Life is more like a bucket of strawberries.  They were all meant to be good and yummy, but you can't help the fact there will always be somethings that won't be.   How you deal with them, however, is always up to you.


One of the key things I have embraced this year is the understanding that there are things beyond one's control that one just has to deal with.  As fantastically fun and love-enriched as my life is now, there still do remain things which I wish could be changed.   Things like having to remain discreet about certain views, joys and concerns I have.  Or like wanting to much to let caution evaporate and proclaim to the whole world how damn happy I truly am, regardless of whose toes I might trample on.

God knows how much I honestly want to declare proudly to the world:

RRRGS, Jr,
You make each and every day of my life an adventure.  
I love you with a love beyond anything I have ever experienced.
I love you with a passion that goes further than anything I could have ever offered before.

In the movie Forrest Gump, we have the quote, "Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're going to get."  For me, however, life is more like a bucket of strawberries.  They were all meant to be good and yummy, but you can't help the fact there will always be somethings that won't be.  And how you deal with them is up to you.  Some people foolishly throw it all away just because of the few moldy ones.  Others eat it, but spend more time complaining about how they have to suffer with the unsightly ones.  You have those who quietly appreciate it, but secretly envy everyone else who gets better buckets.

Which one am I?

Those who know me know the answer to that.
Those who don't are welcome to get to know me more.

Kulang na lang, Vanilla Ice Cream!

And I am very happy to know many have finally chosen to.

2) Choosing your battles makes dissolving bitterness easier.

I have always had a strong personality, and even stronger opinions and expectations.
I hold high regard towards honesty and openness.  Whether it be my own actions, or the actions of my friends, I find anyone who embraces deception or allows such to thrive a stain upon my environment that I should if not deal with, at least be vocally against.  My friends are aware of this.  There have been times a person who has admittedly lied or perpetuated lies finds me abrasive or clearly being merely civil towards him, while being friendly with others.  All this stems from the fact I respect everyone around me who deserves it.  And being on the list of not deserving it is fastest achieved by being manipulative of people I care about.

This year, however, I've begun to learn to temper this attitude somewhat.

Sometimes, it doesn't matter how right one feels about something.  Sometimes, it doesn't matter how wrong one believes another is.  Sometimes, what matters is to at least take steps to move foward in a more positive direction, and maybe during that time, allow the healing to grow.  In my case, I realized choosing my battles came down to a decision to at least be up front about what I detested, and leave the "ball in the other's hands."  Having said my piece and leaving a clear understanding of why my opinion exists, I permit the other to either act upon that understanding, or ignore it and let things eventually unravel once again.  I am not the kind of person who can be superficial about my opinions.  I am however learning I can be a person less aggressive, more supportive and possibly more patiently open-minded.

In many ways, my bitterness was fueled by a feeling that things clearly unacceptable were merely being allowed to thrive.  I have learned now that by clearly airing out what I hated directly to the one involved allowed me to let go of the bitterness.  It allowed me to feel I've done my part in helping bring about the rebirth of some level of respect.  It allowed me to feel like I can leave the ball now in the other court, and focus instead on building much more positive ties.  While I can't say we're now all okay and friends, I can stay it definitely is a start to eventually possibly being such.

3) Being Psycho Somatic Addict Insane ain't the same as being psycho somatic addict insane.

What?  That doesn't make sense?
:-)  I guess you just had to be there.
Or be me.

Yeah.

Who thought I'd ever be this happy?

Hindi naman siguro halatang hung over diba?

Merry Christmas to you all!
And here's hoping we geeks survive the upcoming Metro Manila Film Festival!
(Balita ko, James Cameron's Ferngully Pocahontas Avatar will still be viewable at IMAX even during the festival, so yes, there is hope!)

Jayson Angeles (1981 - 2009)

I will just keep this entry brief.

I knew Jayson for a brief period.   In that brief period, I could very quickly sense how important he was in Rocky's life.  In that very limited number of conversations, be it verbal, via text, or through private messages in Facebook, I could see why Rocky and he were very good friends.  The word friend seems lacking to truly grasp the bond that they shared.

I wish I had a chance to know him more.
I wish I had a chance to hang out with him.
I wish I had an opportunity to eventually become counted among his friends.

Jayson passed away last December 13, 2009.

In the scant few chances I had been given to know him, I already hold some memories dear.  I recall the first meeting, on that day I was helping Rocky move out, and how he really took the effort to break the ice and talk to me and even help us move stuff out, I recall how much he wanted to help me make Rocky's birthday memorable and how he made a very sweet and funny birthday message for him.  How he'd have that funny jump/dance when talking about something he couldn't directly say.  How he lugged that huge camera of his to O bar on Rocky's birthday - the single time I ever got to go out with him - and the beautiful pictures he took of that night.  How he chased after us one time as we were heading home just to be able to say hi and talk to Rocky a bit more.  I recall how he'd send me messages apologizing for not being able to join Rocky and me at O bar due to other concerns, events, and so on and how I'd use to tell him, "It is okay.  There's always some other time." 

I wanted to post pictures in this post.
I wanted to get to know him more. 

I wanted to say much more.

But sadly, I don't think I ever had any photos with him.

And I think I've said enough.

Jayson was a friend unlike any other to Rocky.  And to Brian.
And while I don't think I was able to get to know him enough for him to call me a friend as well, I am still happy I have a few happy memories of him to cherish as well.  It ain't much.  But at least, it ain't nothing.

Thank you for everything.
And I promise you, I'll take care of him.

You will be remembered, Jayse.

Weddings and Wants

In a few hours, I will be changing into a suit and wearing this burgundy tie which I've been given to be one of the groomsmen in a friend's wedding.   This is not the first time I've found myself attending a friend's wedding.  I've been a best man, a witness, a reception host and a guest in other weddings before.  Unlike those other weddings, however, I'm going to have to risk this one while feeling sick.  Coughing and sneezing have become close friends of mine in the last few days, with even a near fever striking me down the other day.  My nose is sore from all the clearing of accumulating mucus.  My lips are dry from losing all that fluid.  I've gone through two boxes of tissues, and at least four rolls in the past few days, with the discharge ranging from clear to yellow to whitish with a bit of blood from my poor strained nostrils. 

I find myself thinking if I'd ever get a chance to marry the person I love.

Marriage is such a loaded word. 

For many, marriage only has meaning if one sees the religious implications it carries.  To married is to have a union before God and to commit a promise to love each other until death parts them.   Marriage is a ritual that requires the existence of the approval of the Church.

For others, marriage is merely the ritual of being able to declare and be acknowledged that you have sworn to another to be faithful and loyal.  The trappings of religion may be there, but the union is more a legal declaration of being together and an act that is recognized as serious and binding.  

Ultimately, it is a huge promise.  A huge declaration of trust and devotion.
And a matter of great importance to those who want to be joined through it.

It is sad to know the world still chooses to discriminate and feel there is reason to deny people such unions.  I can understand denying the union of people who are manipulated or forced to take part in such.  I can comprehend the reason unions merely for financial gain or citizenship are frowned upon and considered void.  But for the unions that are desired and born from mutual love and loyalty.... regardless of the pair's genders... why should anyone have the power to hold them apart?

Someday, I too would like to get married.
Maybe when that day comes, I can.

For now, however, I extend my most sincere congratulations to Rommel and Arlyn who plan to finally tie the knot after thirteen years.  May your love continue to grow even brighter in the years to come.

Question of th Week - 6 and other musings

Question of the Week - 6

This week's question comes to us from my good friend Jaime.  The question reads: "Can bears actually play hockey?"  This question is inspired by the youtube video of a bunch of bears seemingly playing hockey.

While many other forums attempted to answer this question, I think I would have to trust the NY times in their call that this is real.  I don't think it was that cool, however, knowing how cruel they can get to train these bears to do something like this.  Personally, I think more people would be more accepting of these kind of bears instead in hockey:

But I guess that just represents the kind of friends I know I have.  :-P


On a related note, Rocky and I joined the Pride March last December 5.  It is sad that most seem to be content to merely party during the so-called White Party and not take part in politically making a statement on the December March.  While I do understand the concern (with many not being out or worried about the possible "gulo" or dangers of a rally becoming unpeaceful) I still think more people should show their support for the march.  Discrimination should never be tolerated, no matter for what supposed reasons exist.  The beauty of life is its rich diversity.  Not being gay is never a reason not to support the cause for equal rights. 

So yeah, Rocky and I joined a few other friends and decided to take part in this year's Pride March.  The trip took us from Remedios to Roxas, then eventually looping back to Taft then Nakpil.  There were lots of happy cheerful people all chanting and singing as we made our way in the streets. 

But there too were the haters.  People who seemed to thrive on hate and self-righteousness.  People who seemed to claim to preach the Lord's message but seem to easily forget everything the Bible had regarding hate, judging others and being wrathful.   It is sad really, that such people still do exist.  Sadder still even to learn later many of them were paid to rally against the March simply out of spite.

But definitely, being part of the March meant something to me. 
So yeah, Pride March for 2010... I'm definitely going.

Who is with me?

The Garapata Marches

Sometimes, a guy has to do what he feels is right, even if other people might disagree.  Sometimes, a guy has to show support for what is right, even if others might think he is wrong.  I'm joining the Pride March later today. 

I'm showing my support.

I do not believe discrimination should be allowed to thrive, especially when it stands in the way and prevents others from having the rights everyone else is given.  While I understand not everyone will share such open-mindedness, I have long believed the government to the very least must do so.  And when it does not, the people must speak up and complain.

I have not complained for a very long time.

Even back during my younger years when I was much more vocal about certain views, when it came to gender politics, I usually took a back seat.  While I did have some play productions as part of Alternatibong Teatro para sa Bagong Pilipino which cited the need for gender sensitivity, I always found myself shying away from being more vocal against discrimination out of deference and respect towards my parents and family.  Understandably, they would prefer a quieter life.  Who wouldn't want one?

And in many ways, that is the same thing that is being sought here. 
A quieter life.

When one has equal rights, and is treated and accepted as an equal, one gains access to a quieter life. 

I join today's march to show I believe there is a need for acceptance.
For equality.
For understanding.

I join today's march because we all have to do our part sooner or later. 
I have wanted to do my part for the longest time.   Now, I choose to do so. 

For the past few years, I've called my blog "The Garapata Can Speak."
So I am speaking.  

I only hope you will, at least, listen.

Question Of The Week - 5

So, this week's Question Of The Week is again from Nicole, who had sent me eight questions to answer!  Not too long ago, I answered her first two questions.  Today, we answer the next three.

3. What is the reason why at times you say things, act, and feel like a genius, but in other times, you say things, act, and feel like a complete idiot?

I think this question is simply a reflection of the fact we human beings are unique in our own ways.  And this uniqueness is made more evident by the fact there are things which we are good and horrible at.  Even when it comes to fields we are good at, there always are areas or aspects of that field which we might not be quite proficient in. 

Ultimately, when the "idiot" moments show up, I think it is best that we just embrace them as part of the process and maximize them as an opportunity to learn more.  (For all I know, this week is one of them.  My previous weeks were answering questions like a genius, and this week I sound like an idiot!)

4. Why is PLDTDSL the ISP from hell?

Because they don't have to be better!  The beauty of a monopoly is that you don't have to be better.  Even with the existence of other services, those services still eventually use PLDT's systems in the back end.  Note however, as my dear Egg shares, that Globe is competing really well.  Rocky also shares that Globe Tattoo has been consistently gathering negative feedback.  So yeah, PLDT might actually skyrocket soon enough as having better service.

From my experience however, PLDT does have its great moments as far as the internet speed is concerned.  What I cannot accept however is the fact the biggest Philippine telecommunications company has only TWO hotlines to call, whether you are on a residential or business DSL account, and both connect to call centers who can't really do much to help you.  When there were issues with a land line problem, a letter written to them to note the cancellation was acknowledged three months after it was sent.

So yes, PLDT has a LOT to fix to be better in my book.
Too bad as far as they are concerned, I don't matter much.

5. Why are there doctors so full of themselves?  Aren't they supposed to be helping people rather than keeping their noses up in the air?

A little disclaimer to start this one: Not all doctors are like this.  But sadly a good number are.  But that number is probably just as large proportionally as there are egotistical artists, self righteous priests and money hungry public servants.  Oh wait, the public servants has a percentage that beats them all.

I once asked a similar question to a few friends of mine who were doctors and the response was something under these lines:  Medicine is a trying, taxing, lengthy expanse of torture and dehumanization.  Add to that a hierarchy where ass-kissing or boot licking is necessary, and you get the recipe that can turn some doctors into wicked bastards once they get their license.  Thankfully, the doctors (and med students) I personally know are people of values and virtue.  But I can see their point.  The long hours, the thankless patients, the one-upmanship going on during internship... such points of stress and unhealthy competition can kick a good man down.  Add to that how public practice barely really pays and private practice can be a bitch to set-up and you have a lot of doctors who end up with an attitude problem believing the rest of the world owes them much.

(Frighteningly, a lot of people discover their partners may have similar issues.)

And while we all would love to help them get their self-imposed chip off their shoulders, remind them that they can be better people, and thank them properly for learning to treat people as people and not just cash cows to bleed dry, we sadly can't.  Pride is a terribly powerful shield against common sense.

The concept of an HMO doesn't help either. 
Having a company decide if you are "covered or not" for certain treatment just turns the act of getting medication an opportunity to earn money for some corporation who doesn't even personally know you.  While many are blinded by the idea that "it works for the US, so it should work for us"  I still find myself favoring how medication is given out to people in Europe or even Canada.    If the government learns to keep its people healthy, the people stay happy.  And happy people mean better economy, since happy people love to work. 

That's the questions for this week I guess.  Got a few more emailled queries to cover in the coming weeks.  But don't think new ones are unwelcome!  Just send them in to tobito_abad AT yahoo DOT com!

Also, was glad to meet up with Rommel again after all these years.  I can't wait to have time to hang out with him again.  Mel has been one of my oldest and dearest friends, and in many ways was instrumental in getting me into Roleplaying games.  He has been living abroad for quite some time and it is simply spectacular to have him back even just for a few days.





Lastly,  HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my sister Tracy!
Sana naman this picture will make people realize hindi tayo magkamukha!  I can't believe some people still think we're twins.  I don't see it.  I can't imagine myself being that pretty!